Infertility, my old friend

All right, so I’m not diagnosed as infertile.

I was haunted by a short luteal phase in the 10 cycles it took to conceive my son. In other words, after ovulating (the beginning of the luteal phase), it wasn’t very long before my period rolled around (the beginning of the ovulatory phase). I averaged 9 days before having my son, when 12 – 14 is considered normal (and 8 is definitely “you have luteal phase defect!”).

Now it’s 8 days.

I’m drinking the bitter wine that is my 6th cycle trying to conceive. I honestly haven’t thought much about any of it until now. I’m still regulating after the pill, I said. And it took *10* times to make Nate. This is normal for me. But then there is that nagging voice in my head, as it was before I had Nathan, that says: What if you can’t get pregnant at all this time? What if cycle 6 turns into 12? 18? 24?

I am comforted by the fact that I have my beautiful little boy. If he is my only one, then he is my only treasure and I will ultimately be OK with that. He’s not a consolation prize. And I have decided that on his 3rd birthday, this mom is officially done breeding. I don’t want to get to 50 cycles. All right, that’s seriously thinking ahead, but really.

Without permanent intervention in place, I’ll wind up being that person who conceives when her kid is 12 or something. I’ve actually known people who went through that…sometimes with even larger age gaps!

I thought I’d be sad at the prospect of closing down the baby factory for good in just a year. But, you know, I’m happy about it. I’m OK with it just being the 3 of us against the world. We’re a pretty great team, you know?

 

But, in the meantime, I was taking 100 mg B6 a day to lengthen my luteal phase. Over the last few cycles, it has *shortened* it. So, good-bye, B6. Now I’m looking at the possibilities with progesterone cream. Generally, you apply it twice a day between ovulation and your period. So, that’s the next stop.

It’s also time to drop some serious weight. I’ve been overwhelmed a lot the last several months, and getting depressed, too. Adding in workouts tends to consume every last drop of energy and sometimes time that I have. Giving up more free time is a battle. Sometimes, you just want to sit and play video games. And instead, I’m reading the Game of Thrones books while hitting the cycling.

And breaking my ankle didn’t exactly help in the weight department. I probably seriously put on 20 pounds in just a few weeks.

 

 

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